England manager, Steve McClaren has been sacked by the FA after admitting his part in various national and international cock-ups, fuck-ups and failures.
The balding scapegoat held up his hands to the following crimes :
* Sub-prime mortgage lending crisis
* The Child Benefit ’missing disc’ scandal
* London’s failing transport system
* Bird Flu
* Twatting Lady Di’s car a few years back and doing a runner
* The disappearance of Maddy McCann
* The Bangladeshi floods
* Childhood obesity
* Leona Lewis getting to No 1
* Italian football violence
* Titty Bang Bang getting a second series
* Internet kiddy porn
* The kidnapping and beheading of Ken Bigley
* The recent outbreak of foot and mouth and blue tongue
* The black death
* The Holocaust
* Casting Jude Law in Sleuth!
* Scrappy Doo
* Selecting Scott Carson as England goalie
FA chief executive Brian Blame told reporters.
“I spoke to Steve this morning and wished him well in his next job as hair stylist to ageing teds the world over. However, you can’t make films as bad as Sleuth, wipe out half the population of Europe in one fail swoop, kidnap and behead grabbing scouse contract workers and pick untested goalies like Scott Carson in vital qualifying matches and expect to stay in a job.”
McClaren was unavailable for comment but his wife shouted at reporters through the window of her Middlesbrough semi
“Leave my Steve alone you bastards, they’re trying to pin everything on him and he‘s done fuck all wrong…..apart from picking Scott Carson like, can’t swerve that one.”
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