Exit The Blu - 8 Dickheads!

The Blu Tung Clan’s first LP for over 70 years, ‘8 Dickheads’ has been hailed as a return to form for Canvey Island’s most notorious rap crew. But who are the Blu Tung Clan and what’s their favourite marsupial? WWJPD? gives you the ’low-down.’

The Zsa Zsa

Aka Bobby Ball, Prince Albert of Monaco, Zigga-Zagga-Zigga-Zagga-Oi-Oi-Oi, Divine Ruler Of The Masonic Third Entity, Emperor Poo-Poo Pants

The Blu-Tung Clan’s de-facto leader and production wizard, The Zsa Zsa (real name Arthur Eckersley) was born in Halifax and is largely responsible for the Clan’s ingenious use of samples from kitchen sink dramas such as Room At The Top, Kez and The Sex Lives Of The Potato Men. Now a successful actor he is currently appearing in Aladdin at the Bridlington Alhambra til Feb 2nd.

Favourite marsupial - The Wombat

Inspectah Morse

Aka Sweeney Todd The Demon Berber, Mr I’m Gonna Fuckin’ Kill Ya Stone Dead In A Minute Pal, Sir Lova Lova Peanutz, Kevin To His Mum

Morse is widely regarded as the DJ within the Blu Tang Clan although some claim he is infact the hidden genius of the group and a much under-rated rapper in his own right as ‘they call be Inspectah Morse cos I’m into opera of course, Mozart, Puccini all them cats have you seen my Wagnerian tatts?’ proves.

Favourite marsupial - the red kangaroo

The Zzza

Aka Sleepy G, Doze, Buddah’s Bezzy Mate, Masta Conqueror Of All Known Lands And Some Others You Probably Haven’t Heard Of, Lend Us A Fiver Fer A Cup O’Tea Pal, Oxo Head

The Zzza comes only second to The Zsa Zsa in Blu Tung hierarchy and can often be found in Regent’s Park Zoo filming his favourite animal, the fearsome Caucasus Mountain Goat who he believes has divine properties and acts as a conduit between Zzza’s stream of consciousness rhymes and the seventh dimension of bleat. As he put it on his acclaimed solo Lp ‘Liquid Lunch’: ‘no castle or moat can stand between me and my goat.’

Favourite marsupial - the koala

Masta Plumba

Aka Milk n’ Six Sugarz Love, It’ll Cost Ya, Phone Da Polaks Then See If I Care, Call It Three Hundred For Cash, MC Geoff.

Currently languishing in Belmarsh prison, after being charged with fraudulently replacing a 90 year old widow’s perfectly good combi-boiler with a hot water bottle, Masta Plumba is rarely seen in Blu Tung photos adding to his air of mystery. One person who does know him is former cell-mate and arsonist, Billy ‘Smokey’ Robertson who claims Plumba stole all his best rhymes from him. ‘I’m copper piping, while you’re just lead, install a dodgy heater you’re gonna end up dead’ that was one of mine, Robertson claimed from his padded cell.

Favourite Marsupial - the duck-billed platypus

U-Turn

Aka Golden Balls, Universal Studio Tour Day Pass, Pseudonymphomaniac, Mad Ankles

Serving ten life sentences for spitting on the sidewalk at the time of Blu Tung’s debut LP, ’Exit The Blu Tung; 36 Chambermaids’ U-Turn has now made a name for himself as possibly the daftest member of the Clan. Arrested on stage as he sang his signature tune, ’U-Turn If You Want To, This Rapper’s Not For Turning’ U-Turn turned stooly and grassed up leading members of the Bambino crime family before being placed on the Witness Protection programme (Rappers Division). It is believed Mad Ankles is now living as a painter and decorator in New Mexico.

Favourite marsupial - the Tasmanian devil.

KenHom (The Chef)
aka Joey Wok Hands, Lex Lucifer, Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, Sir Percival Price-Underwood Jnr

Ken’s solo Lp ‘Only Bought For Cuddly Bears’ is perhaps the finest of all the Blu Tung’s solo efforts and notoriously features ’The Chef’ cooking some instant noodles for his tea on the cover. Reportedly angry with Zsa Zsa for not paying for his butties on a Blu Tung outing to Gulliver’s World, it is feared that this potential split could result in the death of one of the most influential and entertaining rap bands ever to come ’Straight outa Canvey.’

Favourite marsupial - the now extinct marsupial wolf or thylacinus.

Silly Dead Twat (SDT)

aka O’Sillycunt, Archduke Ferdinand, King Kong Peartizer Bottlebank III, Grand Ole Opry

Is rolling in his grave.

Favourite marsupial - Unknown